The Boy of My Dreams -part 12

As soon as I got into Marcus’s car, I could feel the awkward tension. It was dead silent; even the music was off.
Jackie was staring idly out the window and Marcus seemed generally out of it. He wasn’t the kind of guy to kiss and tell - or at least he didn’t seem like it - but still. I wasn’t sure if he knew about Jackie’s crush on him or not.
Boys are dumb.
They don’t catch these things.

The silence took over as Marcus started towards the school. It was so awkward but neither of them seemed to mind. I took out my cell phone and sent a text to Jackie ‘why is it so quiet? o_o;;’
After a few seconds I saw her jerk in surprise and pull the vibrating phone from her back pocket. She stared at it a moment before replying slowly. ‘Iunno. Marcus seemed really off and angry today so I didn’t want to make it worse. Why? Did something happen?
I sighed loudly. ‘a LOT of things happened this weekend. =_=;;’
‘Liiike…?’
‘….Like me and Sean broke up…’
Jackie swerved around in her seat. “Wh-What!?!?”
I bit my lip slightly. “Y-Yeah…”
“What happened?! How?! When!? WHAT!?”
I could feel Marcus staring at me in the rearview mirror but I didn’t look at him.
“He was ch-… cheating on me.” It felt disgusting, those words coming out of my mouth. I’m not sure why; it just did.
“What?! For who!?” She already knew. I knew she did. But I guess she just wanted to hear it from me.
“…Jessica.”
“Fucking bitch!!” She screeched. “That fucking little whore!!”
“That’s what I said.”
“B-But, what the fuck!?” I guess that was her word of the day today. “Wh-What happened? How did you find out?”
“…He smelled like cheap whore-”
“He does anyway.”
“I know. But even more that usual. There was a thong in his shower but what really set me off was the lipstick on his neck.”
“Manwhore!!”
“Yeah. I know.”
“B-But wait. Didn’t you sleep over at his house that night?”
My eyes shifted to the mirror for a moment and locked with Marcus’s before I quickly looked back at Jackie. “I was gonna… But, um, something… h-happened, s-so I left…”
She made a face at me. “Huh?”
“He was just doing… stuff.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“I-I don’t-”
“He tried to again, didn’t he.”
I looked up at her serious expression and I knew what she meant. “Y-Yeah…” I said quietly.
“Fucking MANWHORE.” she growled again. “Aw, Lissa, I’m sorry…” she could tell my eyes were starting to glaze over again and she quickly thought of something to say. “Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same…”
I looked up at her and felt myself smile a little. “Maybe…”


As soon as I got into school, I knew it would be a bad day. Well, I knew it would be a bad day anyway, but actually getting there reinforced the fact. Dark rain clouds loomed over the school and the lack of sun certainly showed on the interior of the building, the pale florescent lights on the ceiling casting down their obnoxious off-white glow. There were so many windows in the building, but with no sunlight to come though, it just added a depressing feeling.

But on my way to my locker, a random prep stopped me in my tracks.. “Alyssa. I heard you and Sean broke up.”
I stared at her blankly. “And?”
She scoffed loudly, as if to say ‘Ugh, how dare you talk to royalty like that?!’ “I was wondering. ‘Cause, ya know, you just looked so… cute together.”
The way her voice went up on ‘cute’ made me crinkle my nose. What she was really saying was ‘He looked so cute, he just happened to be with you. Are you guys broken up now or what so I can totally try to get in his pants.’
“Hm. Well, apparently I wasn’t the only one he thought was cute,” I growled as I walked past her. She stared at me with a scowl, having no idea what I meant, but not loving the fact that I had ignored her.



This day was just dragging on forever. History class was causing me to zone out as usual, but at least we were watching a movie. Something about oil, I guess. But I swear if one more person asked about what happened, I was going to deck them. So many people had come up saying “You guys broke up? What happened?!” as if they actually cared. I knew they just wanted to know so they could feel like they knew what was going on in the school.
Like it mattered, though.
Staying on top of who was dating who, who was mad at who, who was flirting with who, and who was trash talking about who, was just yet another unneeded task that teenagers gave themselves.

When we were given time to work on homework, I heard someone slide into the seat next to me. “Hey, Alyssa!”
I looked up and made a face. “Hey, J-Janna…?” ‘What does she want?’
“I was wondering what happened this weekend…”
“Ugh. You and everyone else.” I growled.
“N-No, I’m just curious. I’ve heard a bunch of different stories and I saw you and Sean at the party and you seemed alright…”
I let out a loud sigh and stared back at my desk. “H-…He cheated on me.” The words still didn’t feel right as I said them.
“Oh, I’m sorry!!” She actually seemed apologetic about it. “For who?”
“Jessica.” I spat.
“…Jessicaaa…?”
“Sanders.”
Her eyes widened. “That little bitch!!” she growled under her breath.
“….A-Aren’t you guys best friends…?”
“Pffft. No.” She said it as if that was the worst lie she had ever heard. “The whore doesn’t know when to back off.”
I tried to stay focused on her words, but my mind wandered off to the current three boyfriends she had.
“She was all over him at Homecoming and I was like ‘Why are you being such a skank?’ and she was like ‘Bitch, please,’ and then, ugh. Yeah.” I think she caught me making a skeptical face at her and she laughed a little. “I mean, I love guys, but if they’re taken, I won’t touch ‘em. It’s tacky to take someone else’s boyfriend.”
I stared at her for a moment. ‘So… you’re a whore who takes as many guys as you can at once… but only if their single? You don’t hit on taken guys? Well, that’s nice…. I-I guess…’ “S-So you tried to stop her from-”
“From being a cum dumpster? Duh.” I couldn’t help but laugh at her choice of words. “But I figured Sean would push her off or something. Because I know that he liked you. A lot.” She looked at me curiously. “Did you break up with him? Or-”
“I broke up with him.” I said, a slight sense of pride in my voice. “The next morning I went over to his house and he was supposed to take her to the mall because ‘her car was in the shop-’” I said, complete with air quotes, “-But Jessica’s car was in his driveway. Plus, there was a thong in his shower, he smelled like a hooker, and there was lipstick on his neck.”
Janna actually looked shocked. “That fucking little whore!!”
“That’s what I said.”
“Did you go off on her yet!?”
I stared at her. “N-Not yet….”
“Why not?!”
“U-Uh…” I thought for a moment. Why hadn’t I? “What would I say? ‘You’re a fucking whore that stole my boyfriend.’ Yeah. We established that. But, I mean, Sean didn’t push her away, so it’s his fault, too. And he wasn’t really… H-He wasn’t really that good to me I guess. Jessica would be easy and that’s apparently just what he’s looking for in a girlfriend. I guess that’s why he gave up me.”
“Well, if he was being an asshole, then just whatever. If Jessica wants him so bad, let her have him. Let her find out what he’s really like. If I’ve learned anything about guys, is that one, they’re dumb as shit, and two, that they totally suck up to a girl until they go out. Then he'll slowly change back to his asshole-ish self.”
“Hm…” I wasn’t sure if listening to Janna about guys was a good thing. Yeah, she got a lot of them, but did that make her smart on the subject or just easy?

After a few minutes of silence, she turned to me again. “So, are you and Marcus going out now?”
I shot her a look, my cheeks tinted slightly. “Wh-What?!”
She giggled. “You and LaBlanc or whatever. You guys always flirt and stuff!!”
“N-No…” I stuttered. “W-We’re best friends. That’s all… A-And we do not flirt!!”
“Oh, yes, you do!”
“Well, I don’t like him like that!”
She smiled a little at me in a knowing way. “Well, you guys look cute together!”
I blushed and stared back down at my desk.

Damn boys and their dumbness.



We all shuffled out of the classroom the moment the bell rang. I tried to keep my head down and be inconspicuous and nonchalant as I walked down the hallway, in hopes that no one would come up and ask me about what happened.
But when I arrived at my locker, someone else came up to me.
“Hey, Jackie.” But as soon I saw her glazed over, bloodshot eyes, and her slightly pouting, trembling lower lip, I stared at her with a worried expression. “J-Jack, you okay?” I could feel my chest tighten up a little, not really knowing what to expect.
She stared at me a moment before talking in a small, quiet voice. She sounded like a sniffling seven year old. She stared off to the side as she spoke. “I-I was talking to Marcus… a-and I asked him what happened this weekend… because I had a feeling something else happened… a-a-and…” She slowly looked up at me, a tear slowly spilling from her blue-green eyes. “Y-You kissed Marcus?”

I hope dumbness hurt.
Because boys were so fucking dumb.


How much could possibly happen in a weekend and a school day?
A) I had a dream in the middle of a party while I was still awake.
B) That dream was apparently real, because someone else saw the guy in it.
C) My boyfriend tried to rape me.
D) I found solid evidence my boyfriend was cheating on me.
E) I broke up with my cheating boyfriend.
F) I found out my best friend likes me more than just a friend like he had been saying for the past about four years.
G) My best friend kissed me.
H) My friend who had a crush on my best friend found out that a kissed was shared between us, but she found out at the worst possible time the wrong information.

And it was only Monday.


“J-J-Jackie, n-no-!”
She sniffled again and started to turn away, but I grabbed her by her shoulders and turned her back to face me. I stared down at her with a serious expression. She was shorter than me (about up to my nose) but I didn’t like the look in her eyes as she stared up at me.
If you have ever looked into the eyes of someone that is trying so hard so hold back so many tears, and not much is keeping them from just bawling their eyes out, then you may know the look that I’m talking about. The look that could just shatter a heart into a million pieces and make you want to do anything to never see a person look like that again.
Jackie was giving me that look.

“I-I-I didn’t kiss him-”
“Yes, you did.” she mewled quietly. “You kissed him or he kissed you, it doesn’t matter. You broke up with your boyfriend and then less than a day later, you’re locking lips with someone else. How is that not a bad thing?”
“I-I-”
“What can you say to make this better, huh?”
I felt my heart getting ripped up inside me just looking at her. And it was already torn to pieces as is. “I-I didn’t want it to happen…”
“But it still did. What, can you not say no ever?”
“Hey. I said no to Sean-”
“But not to Marcus?”
“Jackie, I don’t like him that way!! I always thought of us as only best friends. Nothing else. He always said that’s all we were and I always thought that!!”
She stared up at me, tears starting to spill freely from her eyes. I slowly hugged her and she buried her eyes in my shoulder, knowing she couldn’t win this. If her mind wasn’t all over the place, she would have been able to outsmart me in a second. But right now, hugs would have to be a temporary fix.
“This isn’t fair…” we said in unison.
Because it wasn’t. It wasn’t fair to me to be put in this position, and it wasn’t fair to her because she didn’t need to find out about all this. But the same thought left our lips at the same time.
“Boys are stupid.”


Lunch was awkward (like all of today). Sean didn’t sit with us, leaving out table of eight filled with only seven people. But because of recent… happenings… we switched our seating arrangement. Going clockwise, it was Marcus, Evan, Devyn, Taylor, Brittne, Jackie, then me, leaving an empty seat between Marcus and I. It was quiet, to say the least. Usually Jackie and Marcus would be talking and a few of us would join in, but that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Plus, Evan and Sean would usually talk, but that was interrupted, too. And Devyn had gotten mad at Evan (for the fifth time since the party) and Evan was trying to kiss up to her, but she was ignoring him. It was pretty awkward for me and Jackie to talk, and Evan and Marcus would occasionally say something, but other than that, it was silent.
For some reason it made me angry. I mean, on Friday, no one would shut up. Everyone had been so hyped up about the party, and now no one was talking. By now, everyone knew that me and Sean had broken up, and the word had spread as fast as, well, as fast as high school gossip. And of course, no one could believe that the perfect couple had broken up, so everyone had to come ask if it was true.

“Well, this is fun,” I mumbled and a few of them looked up at me. “This has to be. Like, the most talkative lunch, ever. No, seriously.” When I got a couple eye rolls in response, I let out an aggravated sigh. “Aaanything interesting happen today? At all? Something funny? Stupid? Please?”
After a moment, Evan spoke. “Well, I was talking to Jake and he’s like, ‘Dude. You’re mom’s hot,’ and I was like ‘Dude. She’s forty-nine.’”
Marcus laughed and looked at him. “She’s forty-nine?”
“Yeah.”
“She doesn’t look forty-nine.”
“She’s like the queen of makeup and-”
“Oh!!” Jackie suddenly blurted out. “This was like last week or something, but in my world history class, we were talking about Marie Antoinette or something and I cant remember who it was; it was like Paul or Luke or Tyler or someone, but the teacher was like, ‘Marie Antoinette was like how girls are when they're little: acting like princesses and dressing up in fancy clothes and stuff. And the guys probably princes too,’ and whoever it was, they said ‘I wanted to be a princess,’ and the teacher was like ‘That explains a lot.’”
Brittne let out a laugh. “Oh, my god, I just pictured Paul in a princess dress.” And of course, with the thought of a football player in a frilly pink dress with a crown, we all burst out laughing.
It felt good to laugh. After everything that had happened, to hear something that was actually funny. Or so stupid that we thought it was funny.

After the giggles had died down, I stood after announcing “I’m gonna go to the bathroom; be back in a sec.” I got a few ‘thanks for sharing’s in response and I just rolled my eyes and walked across the lunchroom.

You know that feeling you get before something bad happens? Something in your head just goes ‘wait, don’t do that!’ but by the time you register the thought, it’s too late. I got that feeling last year before me and my mom were rear-ended by a truck. Something in my brain went ‘oh, shit!’ and I looked up in the mirror just in time to see a shiny red pickup truck slamming into the back of the car. Just that sudden feeling of panic for something you don’t know, and as soon as you think to do something it’s too late.

And as soon as I pushed open that bathroom door, I felt the pang of that ‘oh, shit, stop what you’re doing’ feeling. But by the time I did, I had already rounded the corner, a row of dark-green bathroom stalls on the left of me and the sinks on the right.
And who would happen to be applying another inch of lip gloss to their already repulsing face?
“Oh. Hey, Alyssa.”
“Hey, bitch who stole my boyfriend.”

There was an dead silence as we slowly walked towards each other. Well, as dead silent as it could be in a high school bathroom, the faucet dripping and the air vents being obnoxious. My hands were on my hips and her arms were crossed coolly over her chest.  “I didn’t steal him,” she announced proudly.
“He was mine and now he’s not. I think that means something.”
“That you were a bad girlfriend, yeah.”
“How was I a bad girlfriend?” I snarled. “You were the whore that-”
“Well, he obviously didn’t push me away. I think that means something,” she mocked.
I clenched my teeth and took a step closer and she did the same. I could smell that cheap perfume that had covered my boyfriend and tried to keep myself from gagging.
“Tell me, was he good?” I spat.
Jessica suddenly smirked widely. “Oh, he was great,” she purred. “Not like you would know, your prude little-”
Now was not the time for rational thought.
Now was the time to backhand the bitch standing in front of me.
So I did.

Jessica… gawked at me. Her face was a mix between ‘what the fuck!?’, ‘oh, no, you didn’t,’ and ‘oh, it’s on now.’
“You ruined everything,” I growled. “You just had to shove your slutty-”
I was silenced when I received the back of a hand to my face, fake nails slicing across my cheek.
She stared at me a moment before walking in a slow circle around me, dragging her fingertips over my shoulders. “I didn’t ruin anything. I simply gave him a little push, and he pushed right back.”
“You fucking kissed him.” I watched her in the wall of mirrors and felt my blood boil.
“It was a peck.” She made it sound so innocent. “He’s the one that turned it into a kiss-”
“You’re lying.”
“Am I?” she laughed. “Why would I lie?”
“Because you’re a bitch like that and you learned from the best. Who happened to be the worst at covering it up.” When I received silence as an answer, probably as confusion, I added, “Because apparently Sean thinks he‘s smart.”

She growled at me and I stepped away from her. “Well, Sean’s an idiot football player, and you’re obviously a fucking dumbass of a cheerleader. You’re perfect for each other!”
She snarled at me, taking a few steps towards me. “What? Are you jealous that Seany likes me more than you?”
“No, I’m angry that you’re a whore that ruined my relationship.”
“It was already down the tubes, sweety,” she laughed. “Did you really think that-”
“It was a year and a half,” I spat. “He changed and-”
“And for the better, I might add.”
I gritted my teeth. Would she just shut the fuck up?
Probably not.
So I did the next best thing. It would probably make it worse, but instant gratification was always nice.
Our eyes locked in a stern glare, and it was obvious she thought she was winning.
So I let my tomboy-side take over for a few seconds and spit at her, hitting her square in the eye. “Jessica, is it even possible for you to close your legs anymore?”
She screamed in disgust, quickly wiping the spit from her face. “You fucking bitch!”
She tried to punch me or slap me or,… something, but I simply side stepped her.
“I may be a bitch, but the fucking part? That’s you. And it happened to be with my boyfriend!!”
“He’s not even your boyfriend anymore!” She gave a hard shove to my shoulders, hitting my back hard against the row of stalls.
“He would be if it wasn’t for you!” I shoved her back and held her to the wall so she couldn’t push me again. But she suddenly smirked slyly at me. “Oh, why don’t you just go blow Marcus?”
I gritted my teeth and exhaled loudly. This girl just loves to push my buttons, doesn’t she? But seeing that smirk on her lips made it so much worse, so I erased it with a hard punch to the face.
She fell to the ground and without missing a beat, swung her leg into mine, causing me to fall back and hit my head on the bathroom stalls.
What did they teach them in cheerleading?

We both glared at each other, neither of us really moving.
“D-..Do you honestly think you did nothing wrong?” I growled.
“Che. I honestly think I would be a better girlfriend to him than you were.”
“A better fuck, yeah.”
When I got a glare in response, I slowly pushed myself off the stalls and towards the door. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, my cheek bleeding from the fake claws and a dark handprint on my face. “I know he doesn’t love me anymore, but I know he certainly doesn’t love you.”
I shoved the bathroom door open and hurried into the lunchroom and towards my table, trying to keep my face down so people wouldn’t really see.
As soon as I slid into my seat, I was given several concerned looks by my friends. “L-Lissa! Wh-what-”
Head. Meet table. Repeat as necessary. And it was so very necessary.
Bam. Bam. Bam.
I looked up for a second and was Jackie making a face at me,
Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam.

Could this day get any worse?
With my luck, probably, yeah.


“Jackie, where are you going?”
“Huh?” She turned to face me, taking a few steps toward so she wasn’t in the way of the front doors of the school anymore. If you just stood their talking when school got out, you would be trampled.
“Don’t you need Marcus to get into Marcus’s car so he can drive us home?”
“He’s not driving me home…”
“Huh?”
She looked at me curiously. “I have a doctor’s appointment…”
“O-Oh… Y-You didn’t tell me that!”
She let out a laugh. “Well, yeah. I do. And I’m gonna be late if I don’t get going; my mom’s here to pick me up. See ya!” She gave me a quick hug. “And are you gonna be okay?”
“Yeah, yeah…” I fingered the band-aid on my cheek that Jackie had stolen from the nurse’s office for me. I didn’t tell anyone what happened, and as far as I knew, Jessica hadn’t either. That would be practically inviting ourselves for ISS. But I think people got a general idea of what happened, seeing the matching battle scars on our faces.

I watched Jackie leave and waited awkwardly in the in-between room of the front doors and the doors to get into the school for Marcus.
God, did I still want to beat his face in.
When he finally came over to me, we exchanged head nods, both knowing the argument that would probably erupt as soon as we got in the car. He pulled an umbrella from his bag and put it over our heads as we walked in silence to his car in the now pouring rain.

Out of habit, I reached for the back seat door, but when I remembered Jackie wasn’t coming, I climbed into the passenger seat.
He stared the car and backed out, getting us immediately stuck in a long row of cars all trying to leave the same exit at once. Same as every day, and same annoying wait.
We sat in silence, the only sound being that of the windshield wipers.
After a few moments, I said softly, “You’re dumb.”
He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “Hm?”
“You’re dumb,” I said a little louder. “Y-… You said ‘let’s pretend that never happened.’ I thought you meant ‘let’s pretend that didn’t happen,’ not ‘let’s not talk about it to each other but go ahead and tell other people.’”
He let out a loud sigh. “She wouldn’t stop bugging me, and it’s Jackie, She won’t tell anyone.”
“Of course she wont. She wouldn’t want to.”
“What do you mean?”
I continued to stare sternly out the window in front of me. “She came up to me in tears.”
“Sh-She did? Why?”
I sighed. “She found out you kissed someone.”
There was a pause. “I don’t get…” His voice trailed off and led to silence for at least half an agonizing minute. “O-Oh…”
“Mhm,” I said quietly.
“…She hates me now, doesn’t she?”
“I’m not sure…” I replied slowly. “She’s confused and stuff, but I don’t think she hates you.”

More awkward silence. It was still kind of weird between us. I was hoping we would be able to have a conversation again without having these long pauses eventually. Because this wasn’t too much fun.

We pulled forward what seemed like a few feet and stopped again. This was taking forever. I guess people should drive slow because it was raining, but come on. Ten minutes to leave a parking lot?
“What happened to your face, Lissa?”
“Pardon?” I meant to sound playfully offended, but the blank look on his face quickly made my sarcasm fade.
“Lissa.”
I stared out the window again. “It’s nothing.”
“Every time you say that, it’s not nothing,” he growled. “’Oh, it’s nothing!’” he said in a mocking tone. “’My boyfriend just didn’t stop when I told him to!’ ‘Oh! It’s nothing! My boyfriend’s just cheating on me!’ ‘Oh, it’s nothing! I-”
“Will you just shut up?!” I barked. “Fine. Fine. Me and Jessica got into a fight. Alright? She was pissing me off, she was bitching at me and shit. I slapped her, she slapped me, I punched her, she made me bash my head against the wall.” I crossed my arms angrily over my chest. “Happy?”
There was quite again. “….Are you okay?”
“…I guess.” I said in a gentler tone.
“Hm.” We started driving again, finally getting out onto the road. It had started raining harder, forcing Marcus to put the wipers on high. I never really liked driving in the rain. Sure, I trusted Marcus and all, but still.
“Are you mad at me…?” I asked.
“…What do you want me to say, Lissa, huh? I didn’t know about Jackie. Everyone tells Jackie everything and trusts her with it. I didn’t think anything would happen by saying ‘Yeah. Lots of shit happened and I kinda kissed my best friend.’ I didn’t think she would… yeah.”
“Hm…” I watched the rain on the window and the fog that formed from my breath. “I had two people today mention us together…”
I saw him shift in his seat. “O-Oh…”
And then there was silence.

All the ride home was silence, save for both of us saying ‘shit, shit. shit!’ in unison as the car slid on the rain covered street and nearly took out my mailbox.
When he pulled up my driveway, he walked me to the door with the umbrella over us as thunder started to crash through the sky.
“U-Um… Y-you wanna stay until the rain lets up?” I asked as I opened the door.
“Nah, I’ll be fine-”
“Marcus. You almost took out my mailbox.”
“Almost.”
“Marcus.”
“…Fine.”

I closed the door behind us and Shorty came bounding down the stairs and straight over to Marcus.
“I see how it is.” I pouted and playfully crossed my arms over my chest as I looked down at my dog.
Marcus picked him up and pressed the small dogs nose to mine. I didn’t say anything, but when he licked me, I let out a giggle and scooped him into my arms.
There was another loud crash of thunder, causing all three of us to jump.
“Jesus Christ…” I mumbled as I started up the stairs, dog in one hand and backpack in the other. “Hey, did you finish your history homework?”
“Yes, mooch, I did, and I left it at school,” my friend laughed in return.
“Damn.” I laughed as I walked into my bedroom and flopped onto my bed, immediately grabbing my iPod as a force of habit, brining my iHome onto my pillow. I put it on shuffle and hit play, music filling the room.

“Can you survive a day without music?” I heard Marcus from the doorway as he walked into my room as well.
“Pffft. No.” I smiled as I turned up the music a little louder. I laid down on my stomach and looked through my music as I whined happily, “I’m so glad today is over/”
“Yeah…” Marcus sighed in reply as Shorty jumped up on his lap. “Hey, can I check my Facebook?”
“Sure, but if the power goes out, it’s not my fault.” There was another threateningly loud crash of thunder just as I said that, but he simply shrugged and hit the power button with his foot.
I just snuggled my face into the pillow, letting the music fill my ears. My head was pounding from the lump now on the back of it and just everything that went on today.
‘Tomorrow better not be anything like today,’ I thought. “If I even see Jessica I think I’ll scream. But I didn’t see Sean all day… Maybe he’s being smart for once and trying to keep his distance for a while. Pffft. No. This is Sean. He’s probably trying to play his cards right and try to avoid talking about what happened. Because you can’t explain the situation without talking about his douchebaggery.’
I snuggled my face into the pillow as a slower song came on.

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I frowned slightly at the lyrics. Effing Maroon 5 and their lyrics matching my situation. I hit the next button.
Hate by Plain White T’s?
No Love by Simple Plan?
What the hell with this shuffling job?

I hit the next button over and over until I found a song I could actually listen to. It was a slower one and I couldn’t really recognize the beginning. It sounded nice, though.
The rain was like a lullaby as it beat against my window the thunder suddenly seeming distant and soft.

Was it just me or was sleep coming easier than a month or two ago?


“Your urgency to dream of softer places suddenly seems so understandable…”
I didn’t bother opening my eyes; I knew who the soothing, honey-like voice belonged to. “I did what you said. Now where’s my happy ending you promised?”
“Give it time, Alyssa. It’s not the epilogue yet. There’s still a few chapters left.”
I narrowed my chocolate eyes behind their lids. “You keep leading me on, saying that you know what’s best, but I mean, life isn’t too happy right now…”
“What do you mean?”
“I broke up with my boyfriend.”
“He was cheating on you.”
“…It’s weird between me and my best friend now.”
“You know someone cares about you.”
I felt my eyes crack open slightly. “Who are you…?” I asked quietly.
“And here we are again; the same old argument.”
“No… I mean, are you real? Or not?”
“Does it really matter?”
“To me, it does.”
“Why do you always care so much?”
I thought of his words a moment, but decided to ignore the ‘always‘ so I could get my answer. “Because I want to know…”
“What if the answer isn’t want you want?”
I narrowed my eyes slightly. “What are you talking about?”
“If I wasn’t real, then you would just think you have lost your mind and simply ignore me, probably leading back to where you were a short time ago:  being a doll with a pulse.” I couldn’t help but scowl. I was about to retort, but he continued. “But, now you’re more than a doll. You’re a shiny new toy with a few cracks and scratches, but scars heal with the right mending.”
I was quiet for a moment, and so was he.

I was trying to wrap my head around what he had just said. If I hadn’t listened to him, or if he had never showed up at all, I would probably still be with Sean and probably never realize that Jessica was trying to get in his pants. Well, I would have, but I would change it into ‘I’m being paranoid’ and then forget about it.

“…You never answered my question, Gray.”
I got silence in reply.
“I want to know. Are you real?”
More silence.
“Because, you may be helping me and trying to make my life better, but the question is still there; are you a dream trying to make my life better, like a ghost or guardian angel or something? Or-”
“Alyssa.” I felt a soft kiss get placed on my forehead. “Don’t get ahead of the story.”


“Lissa, your phone’s ringin’.”
I slowly fluttered my eyes open, but didn’t move from the bed.
“Lissa. Your pants are ringing.” I rolled over slightly to see Marcus giving me a weird look from my desk. “Did you pass out?”
“Heh… Y-Yeah…” I fished my phone out of my pocket, still hearing Gray’s words echo in my head. ‘The epilogue…? Does that mean all of this will be over soon or what? I mean-’ The name the cover of my phone displayed halted my thoughts.
Sean.

When a slight scowl came across my face, I could see Marcus raise an eyebrow at me, but I didn’t break my gaze. ‘He has the nerve to fucking call me? After everything, he’s still gonna try to explain himself? Or even try to talk to me? The fucking-’
“Something wrong?” My friend’s voice broke me from my silent rant.
“Yeah,” I replied and looked at my phone for a moment. I flipped it open and immediately hit ‘end call’. I smiled at my best friend. “And now it’s not.”